I have witnessed moments such as this in a library or a store, when a mother's kids are screaming or running or crying and the mother is overwhelmed. Of course in the past I had no idea what to do. I have felt many different things as a witness: the desire to help, the sympathy, and even thinking the parents spoiled their kids too much. But nobody really knows what it is like.
Elli is walking around everywhere now, and that is all she wanted to do while I sat in church trying to listen to a lesson by our bishop. First I struggled with her while I read some announcements. Then I struggled to stay in my seat while she fought and screamed.
Eventually we ended up roaming the halls, preventing her from climbing into others' strollers, and missing the entire lesson. We roamed back and forth from the classroom, eyes of a couple of other babies staring on, probably learning. Over and over I tried sitting down again with my baby, trying to distract her with toys or food, but again and again we interrupted the lesson with screams and crying.
I was frustrated and exhausted, and I suddenly realized that this was something I had to get used to. I was told constantly how much crazier parenting would be with a walking baby, and I simply did not believe it. I knew Elli more than anyone, and I was sure she would continue her relatively good behavior. But this last Sunday was the turning point that other parents had warned me of, and I suddenly understood exactly what they were talking about.
As exhausted as I was, however, I also realized that this was something I could do. I could take care of my baby everyday. I could walk the halls in church if I needed to. I could miss the church lessons and still receive the benefits. It seems that somehow Elli being my baby, and I feeling so much love for her, makes all these difficult times feasible. Even the embarrassment was easy to overcome.
Parents are brave, I realized. To not only take on the judgment of others, but to raise children, each one different from the other, hoping beyond hope that you are doing it right. Knowing that your children will get into everything, destroy possessions, turn into teens, probably move far away. Why do we do this to ourselves?
The only explanation comes from love. Love for a spouse or partner, desire to grow a family, love for children. That is the only reason I was able to make it through that day. There's no thought of escape from motherhood in my mind because I love my baby so much. And for that reason I know I have to push through.
All the fairy tales are true when they say that love is the most powerful thing in the world. If only we can remember this always.
