Not a Good Excuse

This week's been a tough one. I've cried three times, picked on my wonderful husband, and complained more than I should. You know you married the right man when he still loves you after a week like this.

I'd like to blame my emotions on being pregnant, and though I do believe it plays a part, I don't think it's a good enough excuse. When I was younger (back when I had a menstrual cycle) I remember constantly hearing of the stereotype that women are always emotional and cranky during their periods. I didn't want to fall into that mold so I tried hard to act normally and happy. And it worked! Mostly. I was able to better control my anger, that's for sure, but there are always times when I cry for no reason other than to release stress.

Throughout pregnancy so far I have let out quite a lot of the stress which comes from all the changes the body goes through and anticipation of birth. I've cried over nausea, over stretch marks, over soreness, over exhaustion, and especially over pushing out a baby. It can be hard to take for anyone, even with a relatively easy pregnancy like mine.

Yet I still have no excuse to be cranky towards others, especially my husband. Though he's not carrying the baby, he still has his own load. He carries responsibility to finish school, to earn an income, to take care of his family, to be loving, and yet he does even more than this. He comforts me when I need it, he takes the blame when I'm upset, and he listens to my every woe. I couldn't ask for more of him, but of myself.

Pregnancy has made me more selfish, in a way. It's such a unique condition to women that I constantly have the unconscious thought towards men that they don't understand what I'm going through. I've judged my own husband before I could even let him try.

The thing is, he may not be able to comprehend exactly, but he does try. And in trying he doesn't judge my actions or words. He trusts in what I tell him and how I feel. He believes me when I say I'm exhausted or sore or that I gag when I brush my teeth, even if he doesn't understand how. He doesn't complain if I don't do the dishes for a week or if I forget the laundry or if I waste half the day sleeping.

I believe pregnancy skews our minds a bit. It brings such a focus on ourselves, our feelings, our appearance, our worries, that we think our problems are the only ones, that I'm the only one suffering. And with that sort of thinking it's quite difficult to have empathy towards others, especially those we are closest to because we are closest to them.

Even at 36 weeks pregnant as I am today, closer than ever to giving birth which often terrifies me, I vow to change my attitude. It may be difficult, but my husband deserves it for all he has done for me and continues to do for me. I trust through his actions and words that he will always love me and be there for me, and I want to make it as joyful as I can for him to do so. I want him and the world to know how wonderful he is and how much I love him.

I also encourage others to see what your husbands are doing for you and your family daily and show them the appreciation and love they deserve.

Nobody's perfect, but I will always love you, Eman.