Beginnings of Motherhood

The last couple of weeks of pregnancy and the last month since Elli was born have been laborious (haha) and amazing. I had so many false labors slowly dilating me to a 4 by the time I reached the hospital that we expected her to come a couple weeks before she actually did. And get this, she was induced. She was stubborn. And finally born. :)
I think the best way to describe everything that happened is through pictures, so here's me getting induced:

I have to mention how wonderful my husband was. When the real pain started he was there encouraging me the entire time, even if it didn't do much. Nothing really helped with the pain so it's not that he wasn't very good at helping. He was amazing.

As soon as my water broke, the contractions became unendurable. Truly the worst pain I have ever felt (and I've done some pretty crazy things). So I didn't hesitate long in asking for an epidural. In fact, I highly recommend them. The only problem was that I had to endure a few more contractions that were worse than the last before the epidural kicked in. But oh, was it a relief. God sure loves us.

I didn't push for very long but she was a bigger baby (8 lbs 7 oz) and her head tore me pretty bad. But I didn't care too much (probably because I couldn't feel it), I was too absorbed. It seemed to happen so quickly that for awhile I couldn't believe that she was mine. For the first couple days it felt like I was babysitting another's child. And I had to nurse that child because I happen to have milk. But I did have that mother's intuition that everyone talks about almost immediately. For the first time in my life I was completely confident in taking care of a baby. I knew what to do and I learned quickly what she liked me to do. And all this without study. Mostly I just knew to hold her close against my skin.

I had a mirror to watch my own progress. It didn't feel like I was pushing very much (due to the epidural, I couldn't feel anything, really, except some pressure) but suddenly my midwife told me to stop and I saw that the head was out. I watched as the rest of her body slid out easily and the midwife then placed her on my stomach. I was in shock that she was already out that I hardly noticed anything except her purple complexion and her warmth. Later did I realize that she had been very messy.

She didn't cry much. Before she was mauled by the nurses to clean her and clear her throat she gave one small cry and stuck out her bottom lip as far as it would go. I felt a moment of joy at this, knowing that she was just fine, that she was breathing. And we'll just say that everyone was forgotten. I did acknowledge Eman for a moment to share our surprised and happy faces, but I was so absorbed in Elli that I had forgotten everyone there. My sisters Shelley and Marni were there as well as my mom and Eman's mom, a few nurses to help, some onlooking spectators (more nurses), and my midwife. Elli was rubbed up and down with towels to clean her, then covered in blankets while my midwife cleaned out her throat and mouth. But all I felt was the umbilical chord still trailing from inside and a warm little body laying quiet and comfortable on my deflated stomach. I held her head in one hand and her little bum in the other. After a minute or so Eman was given the scissors to cut the chord, and unlike I had heard, there was no blood splattering.

The transition to parenthood was easier and less drastic than we expected it to be. Perhaps it was because we knew what to expect: a lot of crying, a lot of feeding, a lot of cuddling and changing of diapers. Or maybe it was because we loved her so much that none of these things bothered us. And it turned out that she was a happier baby than we expected. Once we get her to sleep at night (which can often prove more difficult) she will sleep up to 7 hours. And sometimes she wakes only because she wants to be close. She sleeps in the bed with us about half of the time.

We've already seen many smiles from her, though they have almost always been in her sleep. What she dreams is the greatest mystery to us, expect for when she is sleep-sucking her own lips. But we cannot imagine what makes her smile or laugh in her sleep that doesn't when she's awake.

Yes, we went hiking as soon as I was walking comfortably. My mom warned me and she was right. The next morning I felt like I had climbed up Squawstruck again.

Suffice it to say that we love our baby Elli. Everything about her is sweet, from her awareness to her heartbreaking little cries. Sometimes it's hard to be a mom. Sometimes I'm exhausted and stressed and frustrated, but these are always forgotten when she's sleeping on my chest or when she's sucking for dear life or when she's looking at my eyes when I'm speaking or singing, as if she's listening. Or when I pull her into bed with us when she's crying and she instantly falls asleep in between us.

We didn't know it at the time but getting pregnant into just a month of marriage was the greatest blessing we could ask for. We love Elli too much to regret anything. We are honored to have been chosen as parents for her. And we will do our best to be just the parents she needs, just as she knew exactly who needed her.